Maureen: The Hypocritical One

Shush Jose

8^th May 2007, back in the days when Real Madrid couldn’t get out of the last sixteen of the European Cup against anyone, even Monaco!  Jorge Valdano the General Manager of Real described a European Cup Semi Final between Liverpool and Chelsea, and English football in general, as “shit on a stick”. Jorge has been strangely quiet today. Last night the match between Real and Barcelona wasn’t shit on a stick, it was worse. Whilst Jose Mourinho is in the Real dugout the phrase “el Classico” should cease to exist. There is nothing classic about his side or this fixture at the moment. Dignity is well and truly left on the team bus, and that goes for both sides.

There’s no way you can exonerate Barcelona from criticism because some of their players, namely Sergio Busquets, Daniel Alves and Jose Pinto should hang their heads in shame. Barca are no angels themselves but you can’t put them in the same category as Real, mainly because that would do such a huge disservice to the genius of Messi and Guardiola. 

Mourinho believes Pep Guardiola should be ashamed of the European Cup he won in 2009 because of the dodgy officiating which he believes contributed to it. The hypocrisy that accompanies a statement like that FROM HIM is unbelievable.  Coming from the manager of the Porto team which produced the most disgraceful European final in recent memory it is an outrageous claim. Porto dived, cheated and conned their way to beating Celtic in the 2003 UEFA Cup Final with the help of a referee who gave everything to the Portuguese side on the night. I don't seem too remember Mourinho's shame at the goal Barca had incorrectly ruled out in the second leg last season which would of knocked his side out or the offside goal from Milito in the first leg. No it's only shame when he doesn't get the decisions the little child.

Mourinho thought he had stumbled across the masterplan of beating Barcelona by kicking them off the park but when you have the most expensive squad in the world at your disposal that really is a shithouse attitude to take. Mourinho himself coined the phrase “parking the bus" infront of the opposition goal when he was at Chelsea. Last night it was Mourinho’s side that tried to park the bus but Messi climbed into it, drove it out the stadium and won the game almost singlehandedly. The Real squad is stacked with 400m worth of talent yet last night they went into the game with no main striker. Personally, I think it’s the first time Mourinho has felt inferior to another manager, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Guardiola is better than him, he’s younger, he’s better dressed, he’s more popular and he doesn’t need “mind games” to win and Jose knows it. 

Before the game the media and Jose fans lapped up his “mind games”, they failed. It’s the most annoying phrase in football. There is a couple of managers who can pretty much say whatever they want, however incorrect and outrageous and certain people lap it up like a panting dog with “OMG OMG IT’S CLASSIC (insert name)!” “WHAT A CHARACTER THEY ARE!”, “THEY’VE DONE IT AGAIN!!! LOLZ”. Then when a manager happens to respond, in Guardiola’s case this week, correctly, we then get the “OMG THEY’VE FALLEN FOR IT!!!!!”, “(insert name) IS CRACKING UP”, train of thought. Absolutely pathetic. As Mourinho sat in the stand last night, talking and chuckling to himself I couldn’t help but think any other manager would be accused of losing it, but when it’s Jose....”ohhhh what a character”. He’s not a character, he’s a cock.

The post match press conference is well worth a watch if you haven’t seen it but for all the wrong reasons. Just when you thought Mourinho couldn’t sink any lower he even tried to blame children’s charity UNICEF (no joke) for the result. You could have scripted his interview it was so obvious what was coming. Mourinho released the inevitable volley of abuse which diverted all the attention away from his poor team selection and dreadful tactics and towards Barcelona and the referee. Despite what Mourinho may say, I’ll bet he was delighted when Pepe was sent off. It gave him a great escape clause and an excuse when there shouldn’t of been any. You are at home and you had 29% possession, even Schalke managed more than that and they were dreadful. Barcelona were without Iniesta and had no recognised left back on the pitch and it was easy for them. Some of Barca’s players might have sunk to Mourinho’s level last night but at least they still had an interest in playing football and the fact it was Messi that lifted the game from being remembered as a near riot was fitting.

Finally, you’ve got to wonder how Spain have managed to win the European Championship and World Cup with this generation of players because the majority of the winning squad was on show last night and they clearly don’t get along much!

Mr Ingurland

Owen: Crocked

Michael Owen became the latest footballer to join the Twitterlution recently and with it has already started to join the likes of RIOFERDY5 and WAZZAROON08GRANNYSHAGGER in winding me and most other people up, in particularly after his cameo appearance against Newcastle last week. 

The controversy started when the Newcastle fans greeted his arrival and every touch (all two of them) with massive booing, to which Owen responding via his twitter page:

themichaelowen: Knew I would get booed as that's what a lot of fans do but if they knew the facts then they may have a different opinion.

Thing is themichaelowen, we do know the facts. Liverpool supporters know the facts, Newcastle supporters know the facts and to be honest I think even most Manchester United fans know the facts. You are a greedy little bastard who has fucked over every club that has given you a chance. You only ever cared about playing for your wonderful/shitty little country and playing with your little ponies. Every time your hamstring went your only concern was what Ingurland games you were going to miss. Fuck the clubs who were paying your extortionate wages. 

Owen sat with a contract waiting to be signed at Liverpool for two years giving no indication he was ready to walk away, eventually leaving for a pittance to Real Madrid. Once he got to Madrid the only legacy he left behind was the imprint of his arse on the bench. Why he is surprised Newcastle fans hate him is a mystery. He managed 30 goals in four injury ravaged years, spent most of his time crippled then showed no regard at all for the club as they tumbled out the top flight. If I remember right, he almost skipped off the pitch at Villa Park on the day they went down. I think the most telling thing about his time at Manchester United is that their fans can’t be bothered taunting Liverpool fans that he plays for them now, and their fans aren’t the type to miss an opportunity to sing about Liverpool or Scousers. 

When he collects his Premier League winners medal next month I hope he takes it home and puts it in his collection and everytime he sees it, it reminds him how little he contributed to winning it. Because that is the legacy of Michael Owens entire career post 2004 – LACK OF CONTRIBUTION. The sooner the little money grabbing cretin retires the better. 

My hatred of Owen doesn’t stem from him signing for Man United. You can’t really blame him for choosing them when the other options were Stoke or the terminally miserable city of Hull. It stems from Owen only caring about 1/ England 2/ Money and 3/ Horses in that order. 

I also see that Chelsea fans are yet to develop brains, or even just a brain cell with their annual booing of Wayne Bridge. I’d love to meet some of these idiots and actually put the question to them: Why are you booing him?

How dare Bridge be upset that one of his mates jumped into bed with his ex about a week after they split up. What kind of monster is he? The fact that Bridge put an end to his international career over it should tell them that it was more than speculation. Chelsea fans aren't known for their common sense but their booing of Bridge really does take the piss.

Talking of Chelsea, the Torres goal famine is finally over thanks to a puddle. I’m delighted for him, only took him about a year. However, I’m almost certain that if I’d stood in front of goal for as long as he has I would of at least netted one by now.  Chelsea are realistically back in with a chance of the title, but there is some irony that if Chelsea miss out by 3 points that it could end up being the two goals that the little backstabber scored against them back in January which could be the deciding factor in this year’s title race. 

If you ever wondered how comically wrong one person could be? Step forward James Olley of the London Evening Standard with this piece of incredibly bad journalism from January. The beauty of hindsight:
Click on this link

King Kenny Dalglishs reign must be short or Liverpool will become like Newcastle

Dear Mr Wenger

Awwwww! Cesky Wesky :(

Dear Mr Wenger,

                                May I offer a sincere apology that Liverpool didn’t turn up at the Emirates yesterday and roll over as you evidently expected.  I’d like to apologise for the side full of kids we fielded that your “beautiful” style of play with all those wonderful players couldn’t break down in open play, just like Sunderland......and Blackburn. May I also apologise for the fact you have dropped 17 points at home this season, not one of those you are to blame for obviously. Only fair I apologise on behalf of Lucas Leiva for ridiculously happening to be in the way of Emmanuel Eboue’s outstretched arms in the 100^th minute of yesterday’s game, that was just rude. It must of been so upsetting for you to accuse Lucas of diving. I know how much you hate diving, I remember your  outrage when Eduardo dived against Celtic the other year, Pires he never cheated either, or Henry.  I would also like to apologise on behalf of Andre Marriner for making some outrageously correct decisions towards the end of the game. It’s only fair I apologise for Robin Van Persie milking his celebration, which certainly didn’t add on an extra 90 seconds to the injury time. I’d also like to apologise for Kenny Dalglish’s tactics yesterday, as you say “defend defend defend”. I know for certain that you Lord Arsene would never “defend, defend, defend”, you’d never try to stop a team from playing! No, never. I mean you would never go anywhere and do that. Not even the Nou Camp. You wouldn’t go to the Nou Camp and stick everyone behind the ball and have 0 shots on goal would you Arsene? Certainly not, that would make you a hypocrite and the one thing you definitely definitely definitely are not is a hypocrite. Nothing is ever your fault Arsene and we all admire, no actually, admires the wrong word, LAUGH at you for that. While I’m apologising, I’ll apologise for the person who hasn’t addressed the glaring omissions of a decent keeper or a good centre back from your side. One thing’s for sure; it’s not going to be your fault, no nay never. It never is.

If I may Arsene, can I make a suggestion for you next season? I don’t want to be rude but how about maybe, just maybe, you have a look at yourself? Maybe it might help if instead of pointing your bitter and twisted finger at just about everyone else you accept you might be responsible for the gutless nature of your team? Without being rude obviously, how about asking why your wonderful all conquering beautiful super super side have thrown away everything from a 2-0 lead v Spurs to a 4-0 lead at Newcastle to failing to hold out when you are given a 108^th minute gift yesterday? 

Hugz ‘n’ kisses

Kevin 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S “IT WAS A PENALTY......AH PISS OFF”

P.P.S “IT’S A PEN........FUCK OFF”

"Rafa's Rant" was NO rant, THIS is a rant

Rafa Benitez: One of us

The following can be filed under "subjective" and "self indulgent" but I don't care. If you refer to Rafa Benitez as a "fat Spanish waiter" then you should press that little X in the top right corner now.

Nothing is bigger than the Hillsborough Memorial Service for Liverpool Football Club. For that reason I held this back for a couple of days because it would of been wrong to link the two things. But as a huge supporter of the Justice campaign Rafa Benitez, footballing marmite - you either got him or you didn’t, finally had his moment on Friday. The circumstances were all wrong, but they were all right. Rafa was back at Anfield amongst his people, comfortable enough to show his emotions. I read a quote afterwards saying for a man who is so in control of his emotions you can see that Liverpool and the struggle for justice runs deep in him, too true. To the uninformed Benitez was a robot, sadly these people work for some of the biggest media outlets in the world and their myths were rinsed and repeated by millions. An “esteemed” journalist Henry Winter wrote an article in the days following Rafa’s departure where he claimed “now that this cold political animal has gone, Anfield requires a manager who can empathise with players, who understands they are human beings as well as professional footballers.” Cold? No empathy? I hope Winter feels like a total fucking bell end now.

After he was forced out the door by a mixture of board room backstabbing, a hostile media and a dissenting section of support I didn’t think the man would ever get the recognition he deserved. When it finally came I should have been happy but it just made me even angrier about the way the man was treated. All I can think is how a man as humble as Rafa was vilified, and that is the word for it, by not only the press and other supporters but by some of the supporters of a club he had given so much to. It was all too easy for people to forget the trophies and the nights he brought to Liverpool after one poor season. Istanbul, Athens, FA Cup v West Ham, Chelsea in countless semi finals, 4-1 at Old Trafford, countless wins over Everton, Juventus, Olympiakos, 5-0 aggregate win over Real Madrid, 2-1 in the Nou Camp. It’s so much easier to put these kinds of results into perspective now we are losing to Northampton, Blackpool and Braga all too often. Yet he never sought or got credit for them, Istanbul was a fluke, Real Madrid were rubbish, it was Houllier’s team that won the European Cup etc etc. There was always some reason why Benitez shouldn’t receive the credit. Even though there is new belief amongst Liverpool fans that the club is on the up again there is no guarantee. Benitez put Liverpool back at the top and then was ushered out to be replaced by a manager who I wouldn’t even trust to run my local Spar.  

Rafa was classed as a cold man, devoid of emotion, “not the arm round the shoulder type” but on Friday he proved he is anything but. What made me love Rafa even more was that nobody outside the club got it, some inside didn’t get it. There was a bond between supporters and manager that was unbreakable in spite of Sly Sports and their weekly hatchet job, and Friday proves that bond is as strong as ever. I’m sure people will read this and laugh, but Rafa got the club and the fans and they got Rafa. Some clubs are lucky to get one manager in a lifetime who can muster a feeling like this, I feel privileged because in my life we’ve already had two. 

When I see the love in afforded to Harry Redknapp after his side are walloped by Real Madrid I laugh. I laugh because I wonder what Fleet Street would have to say had this been Rafas Liverpool who had been royally smashed. That’s the difference, Redknapp's face fits, Rafa's didn’t. 

Even recently I’ve heard Benitez described as “a c**t” by a Liverpool supporter.  Shame on him and shame on people like that for creating an atmosphere where it became acceptable to sack a man like Rafa Benitez. He didn’t have to be there on Friday, but you just know Benitez WANTED to be there because that’s the sort of man he is, he’s more of a supporter of Liverpool FC than some of the people who call themselves fans. 

Even if you didn’t agree with the Rafa the manager, Rafa the man is so humble and filled with so much integrity that it’s an utter scandal the way he was and to some extent still is treated by sections of Liverpool supporters. The modern football world is filled with so many arrogant self serving individuals who deserve the hatred that was saved for Benitez.  He was ripped to fucking pieces week in week out for about four years and yet he still comes back because he cares that much. The man is a gentleman.

As Liverpool fans we are lucky that Kenny Dalglish came back to us to finish off his unfinished business, working for new owners which might not have appeared had it not been for Benitez’s hatchet job on the snakes. One day we might be lucky enough that Rafa Benitez is afforded the same luxury, it’s just that some people don’t realise that yet.

Some things are bigger than football.

Alex Ferguson...."I've kept really quiet"

 Ferguson: Inconsistent

If Alex Ferguson wasn’t currently en route to a potential treble I’d say the man has finally lost the plot. In the last few weeks he’s ranted at referees, the FA and even the Superintendent of Wolverhampton police! He appears to be on a one man crusade for consistency in refereeing and disciplinary procedures. It’s ironic as the man shows zero consistency in his own outbursts. For example:

Saturday 26^th February – Wayne Rooney assaults Wigan’s James McCarthy with an elbow to the head. Choosing to ignore the incident completely and switch focus to the media, Ferguson claims there will be a witch hunt against his player.

Alex Ferguson – “"There is nothing in it.”

6^thMarch – Nani is on the receiving end of a poor tackle from Jamie Carragher. However, if Rooney's elbow had nothing in it, surely this kind of tackle wasn't worthy of comment Fergie? Course not,

Alex Ferguson – “"It was a disgraceful tackle.”

2^nd March – United lose at Chelsea, Ferguson switches the attention away from the result and onto the referee therefore putting pressure onto the referee.

Alex Ferguson – “"It's hard to take, we didn't deserve that. You hope you get a really strong referee in games like this. It was a major game for both clubs and you want a fair referee, you know... you want a strong referee anyway and we didn't get that. I must tell you – I must say that when I saw who was refereeing it, I feared the worst.”

8^th April – Ferguson feels sympathy for pressure put onto referees.

Alex Ferguson – “Mason has now put himself in the spotlight. If he doesn't send a player off for swearing the question will be, has he got double standards? It is a very difficult position the lad is in. I feel for him. I really do. I don't know where his career is going to go now.”

Now I wouldn’t suggest that Ferguson is the only manager who comes out with garbage like this but the sheer volume of it at the moment is hilarious and he is turning himself into a circus act. For Alex Ferguson to accuse somebody of putting pressure onto a referee would be like Davina McCall accusing someone of being annoying. He’s been doing it for years. Some people claim this is all part of Ferguson’s games which they probably are, but Ferguson’s games are nothing more than a man who has become so arrogant (see his rant at Superintendent Mark Payne if in any doubt of this) he is becoming a joke. 

There was a time when Ferguson ruled Old Trafford with a rod of iron, but now he has to kowtow to the Glazer’s it’s a different story. In the past Wayne Rooney would never have gotten away with his transfer request, he would have been on the first plane to La Liga or Serie A. But since they crippled the club with their debts Ferguson knows he won’t be seeing much of the money to reinvest and being just one title away from “knocking Liverpool off their fucking perch” it’s in his interest to keep his mouth shut and win the one remaining title he needs. 

Ferguson’s pathetic behaviour and his attitude to all things non Man United will guarantee that despite an honours list as long as anyone’s, unlike Matt Busby, he will never been appreciated or remembered fondly outside anywhere but Old Trafford.

Gareth Bale

There is a depressing inevitability that Gareth Bale will clean up King’s Speech style when the PFA hand out their yearly gongs. Please, please, please don’t let this happen. Anybody who watches a Tottenham game on British television would be forgiven for seeing Bale as the second coming of Our Lord such is the overreaction to his season. Not to say I don’t think he is a good player who will probably develop into a “top top playa” to quote his manager ‘Awwy Wedknapp but for him to win the PFA Player of the Year this season would be madness. It seems that because he tore the arse off Maicon against Inter Milan twice this season the typically British media driven frenzy of hype has propelled Bale into the same category as Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. Not helped by his club manager claiming he was worth 80m in the build up to the European Cup tie in Madrid last week. When it was announced he would miss the Euro Qualifier against England last month Wales’s chances were suddenly dismissed, when in reality, the never stood any chance! A whole nation’s hopes resting on one player. What are they England? It’s light relief that Bale wasn’t born on the other side of the border, if he was English he probably would have been knighted by now. 

Gareth Bale has plenty of time to win those kinds of awards, as for this season I think it would be in the words of Roberto Martinez, “a football crime”, if Player of the Year didn’t go to either Scott Parker or Nemanja Vidic. Even though it’s a horrible cliché, if West Ham had “a team of Scott Parker’s” they wouldn’t be staring relegation in the face and Vidic has had another brilliant season which could still end up with a treble. In Bale’s case, remove the media hysteria that has engulfed the lad and he hasn’t had half the season Sky Sports would like us all to believe, even if Maicon is still suffering from sleepless nights.

The S*n 

How fitting that in the week of the 22^nd anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster that The News of the World has finally owned up to the phone hacking scandal. With it being the Sunday edition of, The S*n and part of Rupert Murdoch’s empire nobody should be surprised to hear the news.

It’s very noble of them to have set up a £20 million compensation fund for the victims like sexist tosser Andy Gray and media rat Max Clifford.  Their apology couldn’t come quick enough to this bunch of idiots yet where was their apology and £20 million worth of compensation for the lies they told about the victims of the Hillsborough disaster? It took them 15 years to apologise for accusing people of pick pocketing the dead, urinating on “brave cops” and beating up a police officer who was giving the kiss of life. Those lies still affect people to this day and they have never truly been put right with scum of the earth Kelvin McKenzie admitting he wasn’t sorry then and isn’t sorry now. 

The families and friends of the victims havent't only suffer the loss of their loved ones but also the lies spread by News International for twenty two years. But as soon as a few celebrity wasters suffer they are paid off handsomely. It’s just another pathetic and sad example of the gap between these morons and the real world.

Mourinho: Not So Special Anymore

Rooney: Moron

Wayne "F**king" Rooney

Just when you think the FA have hit rock bottom they carry on digging. Wayne Rooney has been charged over swearing down a camera lens on Saturday.

The fact the FA chose to pull him up for this over his countless other offences really does sum them up. Rooney has been swearing at linesman, referees, prositutes and grannies for years and been getting away with it, what's changed? He even escaped punishment for elbowing someone the other week, but yes, swearing down the camera is much worse than assault.

It's been said by plenty of people better than me but the whole structure of football governing bodies is a shambles. Hate them all.

Mourinho

One of football's longest running records came to an end on Saturday as Jose Mourinho lost a home league game for the first time in 150 attempts. The ending of the record was funny enough anyway before you consider who it came at the hands of, Sporting Gijón and in particular their manager Manuel Preciado. Mourinho is a master at getting one over fellow managers but he has met his match in Preciado. Not since Rafa Benitez held a European Cup Semi Final curse over Mourinho has a manager been able to get under his skin as much as the Sporting manager.

Before the first meeting of the sides in November last year Mourinho accused Preciado of going easy on Barcelona during a 1-0 defeat at the Nou Camp, claiming Gijón "handed Barcelona the game by playing a weakened team because they felt they couldn‘t win". Preciado's response was from the top draw of responses and is the kind of thing I'd like to have the chance to say to Mourinho. "I do not like Mourinho and I am going to tell him that to his face". "Who the hell is this guy?". "I think he is despicable and a poor professional". "I don’t like it at all. If Madrid don’t teach him respect, I will. We deserve the same respect he does. To say that Sporting, who have killed ourselves to get into the top flight, would give up on a match? Who the hell does he think he is?"

After the game as the Madrid team coach was leaving Gijón, Mourinho's assistant walked across the car park alledgely singing "A Segunda! A Segunda! (Down to the Second Division!)". All speculation but given Mourinho and his friends past conduct, entirely believable.

As it was, Gijón went on to take a point off Barcelona in the second meeting of the season while Mourinho was embarrassed 5-0 at the Nou Camp. The fact it was Preciado who killed Mourinho's record was poetic justice. Vamos Gijón!

Fernando Torres

While I can still laugh at El Ninny's 50 million pound goal drought I will definitely take the chance. I had too much time on my hands over the weekend so I decided to make a list of things I could do in the time that he hasn't scored a goal for Chelsea:

• Boil an egg 180 times
• Listen to You'll Never Walk Alone 225 times
• Run the London Marathon twice
• Fly as far as Vancouver to the west and Dubai to the east
• Take a train from Lime Street to Euston and back again with time for a 30 minute stroll around London
• Watch a 10 second clip on YouTube of John Terry crying after he missed his penalty in Moscow just over 3000 times
• Spend £95,000 worth of his £50m transfer fee a minute
• Or laugh continuously for 527 minutes.

An Ode To Roy Hodgson

 

 Hodgson: In his natural environment

I hate raking over old ground and my word did I rake over this topic between August and January but the wounds have been reopened as a certain owl faced manager has opened his mouth again. As Liverpool and Roy Hodgson go head to head for the first team since King Incompetent bit the bullet it’s given him another opportunity to moan about the treatment he received from the Liverpool fans. 

The fact that Hodgson points the finger at the fans tells you everything you need to know about the man. I am convinced he is made Teflon; criticism does not stick to him. Instead of looking at the reasons why he left Liverpool on the back of some of the worst displays Liverpool fans have seen for years and sitting just four points off the relegation zone, he deflects attention away from his own failings and towards the supporters and Kenny Dalglish. It’s the hallmark of Hodgson; just ask the Inter Milan fans who threw coins at him before he was removed from the San Siro. It was results which got Hodgson sacked, the fans calling for Dalglish was just a consequence. To manage Liverpool or indeed any club that expects to be in the mix for trophies you need to show spirit, fight and crucially win games. Roy Hodgson fails on every count.

I can say I was NEVER behind his appointment from day one but I can also say that Hodgson did initially receive backing from a large section of the fans that were “willing to give him a chance”. The fans only turned when the more patient amongst the Liverpool support caught up with the rest of us in realising the man was a moron. I remember the day well, when Blackpool gave Liverpool a true footballing lesson on their own turf.

Hodgson was working under difficult circumstances, there is no doubt about that but he created a whole new set of circumstances all by himself. The respective results of Hodgson and Dalglish this season tell their own story, Hodgson took 25pts from 60pts available to him; Dalglish has taken 20 pts from 30pts available. The statistics are damning and make Hodgson’s cries even more laughable. 

For Hodgson to claim his downfall was working in the shadow of “an icon” is ridiculous. His downfall was his diabolical transfer policy, his negative football, his refusal to change his tactics and his cringeworthy interviews.  In Roy’s World, he knows best, he has the 35 years of experience to back it up. I stress, in Roy’s World. Thank fuck Liverpool aren’t in that world anymore.