Weekend Review

Where to start, Manchester United 8 -2 Arsenal. Embarrassing. I mean how the fuck did Man Utd concede two goals to the worst Arsenal side since the 1800s. In all fairness Per Mertesacker should be a good signing for the Arsenal defence. That is until he spends five minutes with Arsene Wenger and Johan Djourou and they coach all defensive abilities out of him. 

Man City fans praising performances – you’ve almost signed every fucking decent player around, I should fucking hope you play well.

Roy Hodgson on 0 points. Class. Still not his fault though. Not Uncle Roy. No. Never. Warning to West Brom fans – it will probably get a whole lot worse. At Liverpool we were consistently shite, by all accounts West Brom are playing well and losing. Oh dear.....

Finally I turn to my favourite topic, Harry Redknapp. The irony of the man complaining his pre season has been ruined by other clubs discussing his players. The fucking irony. This is from the man who has made a living out of doing that for years. He’s spent the best part of the last two years publicly tapping up Scott Parker and looks like he’s finally got his grubby hands on him and he has the cheek to criticise Chelsea for making bids for Luka Modric. 

I played a fun game last night, put Harry Redknapp’s name into Google followed by the name of any player and nine times out of ten there is a result where he is discussing said player. For a man who on Sunday hit out at another club discussing one of his players take a look at the following interviews carried out by this Sky Sports News hanging out of his car window twat. You can’t make it up.

Charlie Adam

Redknapp told talkSPORT: 'Daniel rang me late on and asked if I like Charlie Adam. I said 'yes, he's a fantastic footballer'. He said do you want him, I said 'can we get him?'.

'We pushed on and tried to do it, Daniel was confident he could get it through. It went to the wire but we missed out by minutes.'

Redknapp added: 'Daniel dealt with it. Apparently the boy was definitely up for coming...apparently the chairman couldn't get hold of two shareholders who had to sign the forms as well. It's just one of those things.'

Phil Neville

“We made an offer to Everton,” he explained to Sky Sports News.

“If David [Moyes] doesn’t want to sell him then that’s fine. That is the only one that if anything was going to happen then it’s a possibility but I doubt there will be any business from us at all tonight.

“It’s up to Everton whether they want to accept the offer we’ve made.”

Andy Carroll

He said: 'I can't see Carroll coming here, he's a good player but Newcastle won't sell him.' Won't come cheap: Redknapp suggested Carroll was valued at £30m-40m The White Hart Lane boss also suggested that the Magpies' hefty valuation of the player put him out of Spurs' league. Redknapp added: 'He's a good player, he's a handful, you'd like to have him in your team. But we are nowhere near getting Andy Carroll. How much is he? You are talking £30million to 40million.”

It’s good to know even the Spurs fans have seen through Redknapp’s bullshit as seen in this superbly written piece, something I can only dream of writing. Please read. 

http://oneinthehole.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/why-harry-redknapp-is-no-longer-the-manager-to-take-spurs-forward/

"Not got Cesc Fabregas"

It was only just over a year ago that the Arsenal fans came to Anfield on the opening day of the 2010/2011 season. That day they spent most of the game singing “still got Cesc Fabregas”, “USA...USA” in reference to Liverpool’s perilous situation on and off the pitch and “Thursday nights, Channel Five”. What a difference a year can make. If Arsene Wenger thinks the whole world is against him already, just wait till Thursday if things go pear shaped in Udinese.  I’ve said it before that I like Arsene Wenger but it’s hard to have too much sympathy with his current plight because it’s largely self inflicted. Arsenal’s centre is as soft as a crème egg and it’s all down to Wenger. Cesc Fabregas was one step away from the Nou Camp for years, Wenger knew it, I knew it, you knew it, random man in Outer Mongolia knew it, but Wenger’s wallet remains covered in cobwebs.  

If Wenger wants to know the consequence of not replacing a midfielder as influencial as Fabregas he should look at how Liverpool went from 2^nd to 7^th in one season, two words, Xabi Alonso. Depressing times for Arsenal and that’s before they learnt that the referee for their trip to Old Trafford on Sunday will be Manchester United’s twelfth man, Howard Webb! 

Following this weekend’s games I propose a showdown of sorts between Aaron Lennon and Theo Walcott. It can be an experiment to find out once and for all which of them is biggest pile of utter nothingness. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be watching either of them get themselves into dangerous positions before they remember they have the brain of a gerbil and cross the ball to Joe Bloggs in Row J. The pair of them have got about as much end product as a broken production line. Ingurlish football is in safe hands when they future is this pair of pacey lumps of shite and the likes of Harry Redknapp and Roy Hodgson being touted as the next manager. Diabolical. 

We’ve now had two rounds of Premier League fixtures and esteemed pundit Mark Lawrenson has managed to predict NO correct scores. I however, have now managed to predict three correct scorelines. And he gets paid for this? Jesus Christ. 

Lawrenson                                          Me

          Arsenal 1-1 Liverpool                       Arsenal  2-1 Liverpool

            Aston Villa 2-0 Blackburn              Aston Villa 1-1 Blackburn    

          Bolton 1-2 Man City                    Bolton 0-2 Man City

          Chelsea 2-0 West Brom                Chelsea 5-0 West Brom

           Everton 2-0 QPR                              Everton 1-0 QPR

               Man Utd 2-1 Tottenham             Man United 4-0 Tottenham

           Norwich 2-1 Stoke                            Norwich 1-1 Stoke

               Sunderland 1-1 Newcastle                 Sunderland 2-0 Newcastle

              Swansea 2-1 Wigan                         Swansea 0-1 Wigan

               Wolves 2-1 Fulham                       Wolves 2-0 Fulham

    After two rounds the score is Mark Lawrenson 10 – 15 Me. Surprise, surprise.  Mark Lawrenson knows fuck all about football. 

Philippe Senderos provided us with a chilling insight into what it is like playing against Joey Barton last night. He really is a disgusting animal............

Challenge Lawrenson - Round 2

Another week, another set of predictions from Mark Lawrenson. For the second week running he believes no team is going to score more than two goals. Likely. Naturally I take a lead into Round 2 of 6 pts to Lawrenson’s 5. 

    Lawrenson                                          Me

          Arsenal 1-1 Liverpool                       Arsenal  2-1 Liverpool

               Aston Villa 2-0 Blackburn                 Aston Villa 1-1 Blackburn    

             Bolton 1-2 Man City                         Bolton 0-2 Man City

              Chelsea 2-0 West Brom                    Chelsea 5-0 West Brom

           Everton 2-0 QPR                              Everton 1-0 QPR

               Man Utd 2-1 Tottenham                    Man United 4-0 Tottenham

           Norwich 2-1 Stoke                            Norwich 1-1 Stoke

               Sunderland 1-1 Newcastle                 Sunderland 2-0 Newcastle

              Swansea 2-1 Wigan                           Swansea 0-1 Wigan

               Wolves 2-1 Fulham                            Wolves 2-0 Fulham

Joey "Morals" Barton

Barton: Angry

 Well knock me down, Cesc Fabregas has signed for Barcelona? I did not see this coming. I don’t know how Barcelona managed to keep this so quiet and maintain such dignity in the process.....Is there anybody who didn’t breathe a sigh of relief when this tedious saga was finally brought to an end?

The departure of Fabregas and the supposedly imminent departure of Samir Nasri have prompted a flurry of obituaries for Arsene Wenger’s career. Ridiculously short sighted but then that is football in a nutshell. Arsenal are written off every season and whilst losing Fabregas is a massive blow I won’t be writing them off anytime soon. That is until we reach April and they have their annual collapse, THEN I will write them off

Wenger is being urged to SPEND SPEND  SPEND which sounds easy in principle but the whole of the football world now know Arsenal have got the Fabregas (and potentially Nasri) money sat in their current account! Similar to the Fernando Torres – Andy Carroll scenario, Arsenal will find their 40-50m isn’t going to stretch very far. As far as Liverpool are concerned I hope any spending spree is curtailed until after Saturday’s game! 

The new season might only be one weekend old but The Joey Barton Show is well and truly underway again (yawn). If he isn’t spouting philosophical shite on Twitter he is causing controversy on the pitch. If Barton had kept his fists out of the Gervinho penalty saga he probably would of come out of Saturday as a victim of sorts, but Barton being Barton can’t resist the lures of a “ruck”. It makes his sudden discovery of some kind of moral code even funnier. There’s no amount of quoting  the greats of the literature world that can make Joey Barton seem like any less of a cunt. For him to accuse Gervinho of diving and then throw himself to the floor after taking a brush to his face shows him up to be the hypocrite he is. 

It’s as if Barton is trying to expose the sins of football through Twitter, but he really is on shaky ground. I’ve never been to jail or stubbed a cigarette out in someones eye and I don’t try to play Mr Morals on Twitter so why is he. Changed man my eye. The guy has got a list of misdemeanours as long as the London rioters.....collectively.  He’s trying too hard to come across as a reformed character through Twitter but each one of his tweets is more cringeworthy than the last one and don’t get me started on that poor excuse for a haircut.

Robbie Keane has completed a move to another of his boyhood clubs, LA Galaxy. I’m really looking forward to hearing the criticism Harry Redknapp is going to get for making such a huge loss on the fee he paid for him in the first place, you know like Rafa Benitez did, and still does actually. Infact, he has made an even bigger loss than Benitez so I can trust the British press to get their knives out for Harry. Anything less would surely be hypocritical, and our media definitely aren’t a gang of bigoted, hypocritical, biased tossers who definitely don’t  lick that saggy faced moron’s arse .

Finally, I had to laugh that Steve Kean was found guilty of drink driving. Not only is he a shit manager, he is also a pretty dreadful human being. That is going to be one lonely walk through the streets of Blackburn when he is inevitably fired by the chicken people. 

Challenge Lawrenson: The Result

Lawrenson                                                       Me

Blackburn 1 - 1 Wolves                                Blackburn  2 - 2 Wolves

Fulham 2 - 1 Aston Villa                               Fulham 1 - 1 Aston Villa

Liverpool 2 - 0 Sunderland                           Liverpool 2 - 0 Sunderland

Man City 2 - 0 Swansea                                Man City 4 - 1 Swansea

Newcastle 1 - 2 Arsenal                                Newcastle 0 -1 Arsenal

Stoke City 1 - 1 Chelsea                                Stoke City 1 - 3 Chelsea

 QPR 2 - 1 Bolton                                          QPR 1 - 1 Bolton

West Brom 1 - 2 Man Utd                           West Brom 0 - 6 Man Utd

Wigan 2 - 0 Norwich City                             Wigan 1 - 1 Norwich City

So in the first week of the Lawrenson Challenge, big surprise I managed to beat him 6-5. To quote the great Jenson Button, "WINNING!". Take that Lawrenson. Easiest job in the world.

Challenge Lawrenson

 It’s finally here. The Premier League is back as of tomorrow apart from in one riotous corner in the north of London. Still every cloud has a silver lining, at least Everton will remain unbeaten and be leading the Game in hand over der Redshite league table for a few weeks. Bless them x

My predictions for the season

Man City won’t win the league unless there is a club out there who is willing to sell them some bottle.

Arsenal will carry on believing they are a couple of players away from winning the league while everyone realises they won’t win anything till they stop believing their own hype and buy some defenders.

Steve Kean will be lucky to still be the Blackburn manager by September.

Bolton will struggle.

Neil Warnock will be angry and bitter.

Everton will release another “Off To A Flyer” DVD, now their first game of the season’s been postponed.

Lawrenson: Tit

I’d make a whole host of predictions about who will finish where but I’d only regret them come what May. Instead I've decided to pit my wits against one of the worst pundits out there, and there is enough candidates. This season I will attempt to make more of a tit out of Mark Lawrenson than he manages to himself in my new game, a new Friday feature called, “Challenge Lawrenson”. Last season I noticed how shite he was at predicting results so this season I will try to outwit him at his own game. By the end of the season I aim to have definitive prove that anyone can do his job. He doesn’t know it, but I’m coming for you Lawrenson. I’ll see you out there....

Lawrenson                                                       Me

Blackburn 1 - 1 Wolves                                Blackburn  2 - 2 Wolves

Fulham 2 - 1 Aston Villa                               Fulham 1 - 1 Aston Villa

Liverpool 2 - 0 Sunderland                           Liverpool 2 - 0 Sunderland

Man City 2 - 0 Swansea                                Man City 4 - 1 Swansea

Newcastle 1 - 2 Arsenal                                Newcastle 0 -1 Arsenal

Stoke City 1 - 1 Chelsea                                Stoke City 1 - 3 Chelsea

 QPR 2 - 1 Bolton                                          QPR 1 - 1 Bolton

West Brom 1 - 2 Man Utd                           West Brom 0 - 6 Man Utd

Wigan 2 - 0 Norwich City                           Wigan 1 - 1 Norwich City

1 point for a correct result and 3 points if you get the right score. Play along at home.

Chelsea - Global Domination : Mission Failed.....Epically Failed

I’ll roll the records back to Friday 24^th November 2006, two days before Chelsea visited Old Trafford for the following: 

The Premiership title race's day of judgement looms on Sunday but the phoney war started yesterday when Peter Kenyon laid out Chelsea's plans to be the biggest club in the world by 2014 - and, in doing so, overhauling Manchester United's pre-eminence as the most famous name in English football.

Peter Kenyon arrogantly declared how Chelsea were on course to be the biggest club in the world. Five years and five managers later they are no closer now than they were then. I’ve made this point a few times on this blog and if I’m boring you, then what’s new. The reason I raise it again is despite Chelsea’s attempts to turn themselves into a football giant, they are failing. 

The Asian market is the Promised Land for football clubs. Fanatical supporters  who treat players like superstars and buy merchandise en masse. The revenue clubs make from that part of the world is the only explanation required for the long haul trips they make there every pre season. This season Chelsea have boarded Air Asia in search of supporters and the riches they bring. So imagine my enjoyment when I saw the turnout for Chelsea’s big welcome to Malaysia.

Now Liverpool were in the exact same stadium, only four days ago so in the interest of fairness we can compare the two turnouts.

So one of these clubs is “on course for global domination”, and the other is without a league title in decades and can’t even offer European football of any kind this season.

Again, in the interest of fairness, let’s compare Chelsea’s Far East support with the club Peter Kenyon so arrogantly declared they were going to “overhaul”.

Seriously, take your pick. Let’s try Arsenal. A club who haven’t won a trophy for fucking years. 

Hours of fun! It just goes to prove you really ain't got no 'isssstory. Even the Asians aren't buying your fake, plastic toy Mr Abramovich.

Once more, LET’S ALL LAUGH AT CHELSEA.

Summer Musings Part 1

So how is everyone coping with the summer break so far? Bored yet? I am so I noted down some of my findings from the "Transfer Window sponsored by Sky Sports News". Enjoy.

Another summer, more dramas for Arsenal with another mass exodus on the cards, Clichy has gone, Nasri looks like he’s off and that’s before you remember the inevitable yearly Fabregas-Barcelona yawnfest. Almunia and Bendtner are supposedly in talks with other clubs but that is probably music to the ears of Arsenal fans. So naturally, we’ll soon be hearing the pre season predictions of doom that this is the year Arsenal finally implode and lose their “BIG FAB FOUR” status which they probably prove wrong, for about the fifth season running.

We can all breathe a sigh of relief when Cesc Fabregas finally gets his move to Barcelona so we don’t have to spend our entire summer hearing Barcelona and their players unashamedly tap up Fabregas using every trick in the book. To me it’s nothing more than a vanity purchase for Barcelona because I can’t see Fabregas replacing Xavi or Iniesta anytime soon.  

Unlike Nasri and Fabregas, Gael Clichy’s transfer is already complete and he’s become the latest Arsenal player to make the move from the Emirates to Eastlands, sorry the ETIHAD Stadium, translated as the UNITED Stadium (snigger). This seems as good a time as any to rewind back to 2009 when Mr Clichy said “I really believe if you are a player who thinks only about money then you could end up at Manchester City” (snigger). Oh the beauty of hindsight. To be fair, things have changed since 2009 and I don’t think you can accuse players of moving to Manchester City in the pursuit of their riches anymore. Sure it gives them a big advantage but now that they have won a trophy and have got themselves into the European Cup, for right or wrong, they now offer sporting opportunities as well as massive wage opportunities. 

News that City have agreed a new multi billion trillion dirham sponsorship deal with Etihad has already exposed how easily it will be for the Sheiks and the Russians of the world to manipulate FIFA’s new Financial Fair Play rules by injecting their cash into their clubs in the guise of “sponsorship”. The catch being that the owners of Etihad are the very same owners of Manchester City. Go financial “fair” play!!

Tottenham and Aston Villa are both digging their heels in over potential sales of key players Luka Modric and Stuart Downing. Both players “are not for sale” which is a similar stance both clubs took to Dimitar Berbatov and Gareth Barry not being for sale, before they were sold....... If anyone fancies a bet that come the first Tottenham v Aston Villa fixture of the season neither player will be playing for their current club, get in touch.  Infact as I type news breaks that Chelsea’s latest 27 million pound offer for Modric is “way below his value” according to Harry Redknapp. Fuck off you saggy faced moron.  ‘Arry naturally provided the quote out of his car window as he left the training ground. It’s hard to describe what an attention seeking media whore that man is. Redknapp and Sky Sports are filth, they deserve each other.

If any Liverpool fans haven't seen this video of the squad on their trip to China it's well worth a watch. It doesn't come as a surprise that the first sight we get of Joe Cole this season is him with his feet up.......eating.