Tuesday 30 August 2011

Weekend Review

Where to start, Manchester United 8 -2 Arsenal. Embarrassing. I mean how the fuck did Man Utd concede two goals to the worst Arsenal side since the 1800s. In all fairness Per Mertesacker should be a good signing for the Arsenal defence. That is until he spends five minutes with Arsene Wenger and Johan Djourou and they coach all defensive abilities out of him. 

Man City fans praising performances – you’ve almost signed every fucking decent player around, I should fucking hope you play well.

Roy Hodgson on 0 points. Class. Still not his fault though. Not Uncle Roy. No. Never. Warning to West Brom fans – it will probably get a whole lot worse. At Liverpool we were consistently shite, by all accounts West Brom are playing well and losing. Oh dear.....

Finally I turn to my favourite topic, Harry Redknapp. The irony of the man complaining his pre season has been ruined by other clubs discussing his players. The fucking irony. This is from the man who has made a living out of doing that for years. He’s spent the best part of the last two years publicly tapping up Scott Parker and looks like he’s finally got his grubby hands on him and he has the cheek to criticise Chelsea for making bids for Luka Modric. 

I played a fun game last night, put Harry Redknapp’s name into Google followed by the name of any player and nine times out of ten there is a result where he is discussing said player. For a man who on Sunday hit out at another club discussing one of his players take a look at the following interviews carried out by this Sky Sports News hanging out of his car window twat. You can’t make it up.

Charlie Adam

Redknapp told talkSPORT: 'Daniel rang me late on and asked if I like Charlie Adam. I said 'yes, he's a fantastic footballer'. He said do you want him, I said 'can we get him?'.
'We pushed on and tried to do it, Daniel was confident he could get it through. It went to the wire but we missed out by minutes.'

Redknapp added: 'Daniel dealt with it. Apparently the boy was definitely up for coming...apparently the chairman couldn't get hold of two shareholders who had to sign the forms as well. It's just one of those things.'

Phil Neville

“We made an offer to Everton,” he explained to Sky Sports News.

“If David [Moyes] doesn’t want to sell him then that’s fine. That is the only one that if anything was going to happen then it’s a possibility but I doubt there will be any business from us at all tonight.


“It’s up to Everton whether they want to accept the offer we’ve made.”

Andy Carroll

He said: 'I can't see Carroll coming here, he's a good player but Newcastle won't sell him.' Won't come cheap: Redknapp suggested Carroll was valued at £30m-40m The White Hart Lane boss also suggested that the Magpies' hefty valuation of the player put him out of Spurs' league. Redknapp added: 'He's a good player, he's a handful, you'd like to have him in your team. But we are nowhere near getting Andy Carroll. How much is he? You are talking £30million to 40million.”

It’s good to know even the Spurs fans have seen through Redknapp’s bullshit as seen in this superbly written piece, something I can only dream of writing. Please read. 

Tuesday 23 August 2011

"Not got Cesc Fabregas"

It was only just over a year ago that the Arsenal fans came to Anfield on the opening day of the 2010/2011 season. That day they spent most of the game singing “still got Cesc Fabregas”, “USA...USA” in reference to Liverpool’s perilous situation on and off the pitch and “Thursday nights, Channel Five”. What a difference a year can make. If Arsene Wenger thinks the whole world is against him already, just wait till Thursday if things go pear shaped in Udinese.  I’ve said it before that I like Arsene Wenger but it’s hard to have too much sympathy with his current plight because it’s largely self inflicted. Arsenal’s centre is as soft as a crème egg and it’s all down to Wenger. Cesc Fabregas was one step away from the Nou Camp for years, Wenger knew it, I knew it, you knew it, random man in Outer Mongolia knew it, but Wenger’s wallet remains covered in cobwebs.  

If Wenger wants to know the consequence of not replacing a midfielder as influencial as Fabregas he should look at how Liverpool went from 2nd to 7th in one season, two words, Xabi Alonso. Depressing times for Arsenal and that’s before they learnt that the referee for their trip to Old Trafford on Sunday will be Manchester United’s twelfth man, Howard Webb! 

Following this weekend’s games I propose a showdown of sorts between Aaron Lennon and Theo Walcott. It can be an experiment to find out once and for all which of them is biggest pile of utter nothingness. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be watching either of them get themselves into dangerous positions before they remember they have the brain of a gerbil and cross the ball to Joe Bloggs in Row J. The pair of them have got about as much end product as a broken production line. Ingurlish football is in safe hands when they future is this pair of pacey lumps of shite and the likes of Harry Redknapp and Roy Hodgson being touted as the next manager. Diabolical. 

We’ve now had two rounds of Premier League fixtures and esteemed pundit Mark Lawrenson has managed to predict NO correct scores. I however, have now managed to predict three correct scorelines. And he gets paid for this? Jesus Christ. 

Lawrenson                                          Me

          Arsenal 1-1 Liverpool                       Arsenal  2-1 Liverpool
            Aston Villa 2-0 Blackburn              Aston Villa 1-1 Blackburn    
          Bolton 1-2 Man City                    Bolton 0-2 Man City
          Chelsea 2-0 West Brom                Chelsea 5-0 West Brom
           Everton 2-0 QPR                              Everton 1-0 QPR
               Man Utd 2-1 Tottenham             Man United 4-0 Tottenham
           Norwich 2-1 Stoke                            Norwich 1-1 Stoke
               Sunderland 1-1 Newcastle                 Sunderland 2-0 Newcastle
              Swansea 2-1 Wigan                         Swansea 0-1 Wigan
               Wolves 2-1 Fulham                       Wolves 2-0 Fulham

    After two rounds the score is Mark Lawrenson 10 – 15 Me. Surprise, surprise.  Mark Lawrenson knows fuck all about football. 

Philippe Senderos provided us with a chilling insight into what it is like playing against Joey Barton last night. He really is a disgusting animal............


Friday 19 August 2011

Challenge Lawrenson - Round 2

Another week, another set of predictions from Mark Lawrenson. For the second week running he believes no team is going to score more than two goals. Likely. Naturally I take a lead into Round 2 of 6 pts to Lawrenson’s 5. 

    Lawrenson                                          Me

          Arsenal 1-1 Liverpool                       Arsenal  2-1 Liverpool
               Aston Villa 2-0 Blackburn                 Aston Villa 1-1 Blackburn    
             Bolton 1-2 Man City                         Bolton 0-2 Man City
              Chelsea 2-0 West Brom                    Chelsea 5-0 West Brom
           Everton 2-0 QPR                              Everton 1-0 QPR
               Man Utd 2-1 Tottenham                    Man United 4-0 Tottenham
           Norwich 2-1 Stoke                            Norwich 1-1 Stoke
               Sunderland 1-1 Newcastle                 Sunderland 2-0 Newcastle
              Swansea 2-1 Wigan                           Swansea 0-1 Wigan
               Wolves 2-1 Fulham                            Wolves 2-0 Fulham

Tuesday 16 August 2011

Joey "Morals" Barton

Barton: Angry

 Well knock me down, Cesc Fabregas has signed for Barcelona? I did not see this coming. I don’t know how Barcelona managed to keep this so quiet and maintain such dignity in the process.....Is there anybody who didn’t breathe a sigh of relief when this tedious saga was finally brought to an end?

The departure of Fabregas and the supposedly imminent departure of Samir Nasri have prompted a flurry of obituaries for Arsene Wenger’s career. Ridiculously short sighted but then that is football in a nutshell. Arsenal are written off every season and whilst losing Fabregas is a massive blow I won’t be writing them off anytime soon. That is until we reach April and they have their annual collapse, THEN I will write them off

Wenger is being urged to SPEND SPEND  SPEND which sounds easy in principle but the whole of the football world now know Arsenal have got the Fabregas (and potentially Nasri) money sat in their current account! Similar to the Fernando Torres – Andy Carroll scenario, Arsenal will find their 40-50m isn’t going to stretch very far. As far as Liverpool are concerned I hope any spending spree is curtailed until after Saturday’s game! 

The new season might only be one weekend old but The Joey Barton Show is well and truly underway again (yawn). If he isn’t spouting philosophical shite on Twitter he is causing controversy on the pitch. If Barton had kept his fists out of the Gervinho penalty saga he probably would of come out of Saturday as a victim of sorts, but Barton being Barton can’t resist the lures of a “ruck”. It makes his sudden discovery of some kind of moral code even funnier. There’s no amount of quoting  the greats of the literature world that can make Joey Barton seem like any less of a cunt. For him to accuse Gervinho of diving and then throw himself to the floor after taking a brush to his face shows him up to be the hypocrite he is. 

It’s as if Barton is trying to expose the sins of football through Twitter, but he really is on shaky ground. I’ve never been to jail or stubbed a cigarette out in someones eye and I don’t try to play Mr Morals on Twitter so why is he. Changed man my eye. The guy has got a list of misdemeanours as long as the London rioters.....collectively.  He’s trying too hard to come across as a reformed character through Twitter but each one of his tweets is more cringeworthy than the last one and don’t get me started on that poor excuse for a haircut.

Robbie Keane has completed a move to another of his boyhood clubs, LA Galaxy. I’m really looking forward to hearing the criticism Harry Redknapp is going to get for making such a huge loss on the fee he paid for him in the first place, you know like Rafa Benitez did, and still does actually. Infact, he has made an even bigger loss than Benitez so I can trust the British press to get their knives out for Harry. Anything less would surely be hypocritical, and our media definitely aren’t a gang of bigoted, hypocritical, biased tossers who definitely don’t  lick that saggy faced moron’s arse .

Finally, I had to laugh that Steve Kean was found guilty of drink driving. Not only is he a shit manager, he is also a pretty dreadful human being. That is going to be one lonely walk through the streets of Blackburn when he is inevitably fired by the chicken people. 

Challenge Lawrenson: The Result

Lawrenson                                                       Me

Blackburn 1 - 1 Wolves                                Blackburn  2 - 2 Wolves
Fulham 2 - 1 Aston Villa                               Fulham 1 - 1 Aston Villa
Liverpool 2 - 0 Sunderland                           Liverpool 2 - 0 Sunderland
Man City 2 - 0 Swansea                                Man City 4 - 1 Swansea
Newcastle 1 - 2 Arsenal                                Newcastle 0 -1 Arsenal
Stoke City 1 - 1 Chelsea                                Stoke City 1 - 3 Chelsea
 QPR 2 - 1 Bolton                                          QPR 1 - 1 Bolton
West Brom 1 - 2 Man Utd                           West Brom 0 - 6 Man Utd
Wigan 2 - 0 Norwich City                             Wigan 1 - 1 Norwich City

So in the first week of the Lawrenson Challenge, big surprise I managed to beat him 6-5. To quote the great Jenson Button, "WINNING!". Take that Lawrenson. Easiest job in the world.