Mourinho: Not So Special Anymore

Rooney: Moron

Wayne "F**king" Rooney

Just when you think the FA have hit rock bottom they carry on digging. Wayne Rooney has been charged over swearing down a camera lens on Saturday.

The fact the FA chose to pull him up for this over his countless other offences really does sum them up. Rooney has been swearing at linesman, referees, prositutes and grannies for years and been getting away with it, what's changed? He even escaped punishment for elbowing someone the other week, but yes, swearing down the camera is much worse than assault.

It's been said by plenty of people better than me but the whole structure of football governing bodies is a shambles. Hate them all.

Mourinho

One of football's longest running records came to an end on Saturday as Jose Mourinho lost a home league game for the first time in 150 attempts. The ending of the record was funny enough anyway before you consider who it came at the hands of, Sporting Gijón and in particular their manager Manuel Preciado. Mourinho is a master at getting one over fellow managers but he has met his match in Preciado. Not since Rafa Benitez held a European Cup Semi Final curse over Mourinho has a manager been able to get under his skin as much as the Sporting manager.

Before the first meeting of the sides in November last year Mourinho accused Preciado of going easy on Barcelona during a 1-0 defeat at the Nou Camp, claiming Gijón "handed Barcelona the game by playing a weakened team because they felt they couldn‘t win". Preciado's response was from the top draw of responses and is the kind of thing I'd like to have the chance to say to Mourinho. "I do not like Mourinho and I am going to tell him that to his face". "Who the hell is this guy?". "I think he is despicable and a poor professional". "I don’t like it at all. If Madrid don’t teach him respect, I will. We deserve the same respect he does. To say that Sporting, who have killed ourselves to get into the top flight, would give up on a match? Who the hell does he think he is?"

After the game as the Madrid team coach was leaving Gijón, Mourinho's assistant walked across the car park alledgely singing "A Segunda! A Segunda! (Down to the Second Division!)". All speculation but given Mourinho and his friends past conduct, entirely believable.

As it was, Gijón went on to take a point off Barcelona in the second meeting of the season while Mourinho was embarrassed 5-0 at the Nou Camp. The fact it was Preciado who killed Mourinho's record was poetic justice. Vamos Gijón!

Fernando Torres

While I can still laugh at El Ninny's 50 million pound goal drought I will definitely take the chance. I had too much time on my hands over the weekend so I decided to make a list of things I could do in the time that he hasn't scored a goal for Chelsea:

• Boil an egg 180 times
• Listen to You'll Never Walk Alone 225 times
• Run the London Marathon twice
• Fly as far as Vancouver to the west and Dubai to the east
• Take a train from Lime Street to Euston and back again with time for a 30 minute stroll around London
• Watch a 10 second clip on YouTube of John Terry crying after he missed his penalty in Moscow just over 3000 times
• Spend £95,000 worth of his £50m transfer fee a minute
• Or laugh continuously for 527 minutes.